Classes I’m taking in school: Sociology, Philosophy, French, Art History, Women’s Studies, Drawing… And what is it that you want to finish with, Jenna?
I miss you all too much. I was looking through the drawings, letters and artwork you guys made for me… I wish I could’ve kept every single one of them. At one time they were another piece of paper that I needed to fit into my suitcase now they’re pieces of papers I wish I never threw out. I don’t have the best memory for detail but when I think back all I feel is happiness.
I guess partly the reason why I’m crying is because I’m scared I’ll never see you again. I’m scared you’ve forgotten me or worse, you think I’ve forgotten about you. I don’t talk to anyone about this because I feel like Africa is such old news to them, that Africa was so long ago. And it was, but my feelings aren’t. And I guess I can’t talk to you because you wouldn’t understand. You’ll think I’m just being sensitive and emotional but I’m not. I’m stronger than most girls you’ll meet, except when it comes to this. And I feel guilty for not putting in the efforts that I should. Not helping out where I can. But life catches up to you and it’s hard to have your heart in two places at once.
I reposted an article about 25 things holding you back and #20 was memories of a time that you labelled the best time of your life. As much as I know these memories are holding me back in someway… I’m never going to give them up. And one day I will go back and experience something even more incredible to be labelled as the best time of my life.
One last thing, it’s funny how quickly I wrote this but cannot finish the last 400 words on my essay. Oh homework…
And I wonder, why would you ever want to patch things up?
Would it give you that pleasing satisfaction of feeling like a better person?
Would you feel like you won?
Do you even know what wrongs were made? Can you even remember?
I wonder… And I am curious to what you’d have to say. But we’ll leave it at that because some things are better left unknown. I don’t know you anymore and I wouldn’t wish to. I once hurt a lot… Never again. But you did made me wonder and I just felt like this needed to be said.